Picking Up The Pieces
by FearieDancer
Summary: What I think would happen if Severus Snape got a girlfriend in 7th year. Severus Snape/OC. Songfic.


**Do you think of her****, ****when you're with me?****  
****Repeat the memories you made together, whose face do you see?**

I look at Sev's face, his expression unreadable. We're out by the Black Lake, same as every Saturday. Just reading or doing homework, same as always. Occasionally we'll hold hands secretly or share a kiss, and yet it feels hollow. I know why. He used to sit here, under this willow, with Lily Evans. I don't know if they were going out or not- there was a rumour going around for a while that they were - but they could've been for the way Sev's reacted to this. He's heartbroken, and sometimes I swear he's colouring my brown hair red, my dark blue eyes green in his mind. He's imagining that I'm Lily with every touch, every kiss we share.

**Do you wish I was a bit more like her? Am I too loud?****I play the clown to cover up all these doubts.****  
**

Sometimes I'll say something stupid or goofy and he'll roll his eyes, or I'll get something wrong in DADA and I can almost hear him thinking: 'Lily wouldn't have done that.' He never says it of course, but I can tell. However, instead of turning into a Lily-clone, I just try to make him smile. I feel like a clown, and yet seeing the corners of his mouth curl up into a ghost of a smirk makes me feel like I've made some progress.

**Perfect heart, she's flawless,**** s****he's the other woman shining in her splendour,****you were lost…**

It's not even as if I can hate Lily either. It would be so much easier if I could, but I can't quite bring myself to yell at her. She's got a heart of gold, she's head girl and she's the most perfect-looking girl I've ever seen. Flaming red hair, sparkling green eyes, china skin…I can hardly compete with it. I've got long, curly brown hair, dark blue eyes and pale skin, and I have been considered one of the beauties at Hogwarts for while, and yet I feel ugly next to her. She shines, too. Not literally, but the whole room lights up when she smiles. I look at Sev when this happens, at he just stares at her with a pained, mournful expression colouring his features. He's lost in her beauty.

**Now she's gone****and I'm picking up the pieces. I watched you cry,****but you don't see that I'm the one by your side.****'Cause she's gone, in her shadow is it me you see?**** '****Cause all that's left is you and I****,**** and I'm picking up the pieces she left behind.**

She's not talking to him though. Not now, not ever if it's up to her. Not since he called her a Mudblood on that day by the lake. He shattered her and in turn she shattered him by refusing to be his friend. He broke, and I was there to wipe his tears away and reassure him that everything would be okay. It's incredibly hard, fixing a person, especially when they don't want to be fixed. Even after I gave him all of my care and attention, I can tell that dating me is a chore for him. He can't bear to see that another human being would be by his side. He wants to see Lily, and that's all I am for him. A shadow, a replacement of Lily Evans, even though I'm all he has left. I should just let him go, but I know I can fix him. I'll continue picking up the pieces of his shattered heart.

**I found a photograph [**behind the TV**]****, ****you look so happy, are you missing the way it used be?**

I found a photograph of them the other day, in Sev's drawer. They're both laughing and smiling, and even through the photograph you can tell how much Sev cares for her. His photo-self glances at Lily every few seconds, just drinking her image in. I can tell that he misses her, and that he wishes I were her.

**Are we liars in denial?****Are we smoke without the fire?****Tell me please, is this worth it****? ****I deserve it…****  
**"Sev! Don't lie to me!" I scream. Tears are pooling up in my eyes and streaming down my cheeks, tears filled with rage and misery and anguish. "I know you still love her! Don't deny it; I've seen the flicker of resentment in your eyes when I greet you. I _know_ you wish I was her! Stop denying it and _stop lying to me!_" Sev's face is unreadable. He just stares blankly at me, and that fuels the fire of my temper even more.

"Oh, but of course you'd just stand there. I'm _nothing_ to you. You've probably been waiting for this moment forever. Sure, we're going out, but there's no emotion from you. It's like smoke without a fire. Was this even worth it? Was it worth hurting me just in injure yourself even more? Because I sure as hell don't think that me trying to fix you and trying to pick up the pieces Lily left behind was worth me becoming broken as well." Sev is still silent. "Tell me! I deserve to know!"

"I…I…" Sev chokes.

"Save it." I spit at him. I turn to go, but spin around again.

**Cause she's gone****and I'm picking up the pieces.****I watched you cry****, ****but you don't see that I'm the one by your side.**** '****Cause she's gone,****in her shadow is it me you see?****'Cause all that's left is you and I,****and I'm picking up the pieces****she left behind.**

"You still don't see it, do you? She left, and I was the one picking up the pieces she left. I helped you when you came to me crying, and you still don't see that I'm the one by your side. I'm the one who won't leave and desert you! And yet, every time you look at me, you wish I was Lily Evans. I'm like a shadow of her, a half as good version. All that's left is _us_. But maybe I'm fed up of this. Maybe I'll leave. But there's a teeny, tiny part of me that says: 'What if I break him more?' and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I did that, Sev. I love you too much to break you." With that final comment, I run off, back to the castle. My friends all think I'm mad for staying, but someone has to pick up the pieces that Lily left behind.


End file.
